Todd Paris, Staff Writer and Salisbury Attorney
♦ Our Editor frequently cautions us to stay away from conjecture unless it is in the service of humor. He runs a tight ship. Some of his staff are difficult to control. I suspect I am among those who strains mightily at the leash.
On or about July 29th Salisbury City workers were dispatched to procure a special vehicle, a high-end Grumman “Workhorse” with “Mr. Slushy” signage on it. Was this mystery monster truck set to cruise the city’s Ice Cream Deserts and hand our sugary delights to bait our children into signing on with the city’s political re-education academy so that they may become true believers in Fibrant and that other communities outside of the Country Club and the City’s Downtown are not underserved? Or will the Mr. Slushy truck be engaged in something even more ominous like playing the theme from “Jaws” as it penetrates the dark underbelly of Salisbury’s violent crime, hard drugs, and toothless granny prostitution as an “undercover” military style vehicle?
Soon after learning of the mysterious Mr. Slushy truck we learned of unconfirmed reports the vehicle may be assigned to “Parks and Recreation”. Will it be assigned sentry duty at “Movies in the Park” and armed with military grade tear gas canisters to quell children and their parents who become overly excited from viewing the Disney remake of the “The Strange Case of Dr. X”?
My initial thoughts were that the mystery vehicle was “an armored vehicle” or some sort of surveillance van paid for by drug asset forfeitures (I can’t find a line item on the new budget for it). Sources pointed your reporter to the lot behind the transit garage on Franklin Street to see the new addition. Was the mind of Rory Collins behind this expenditure during his last days as the Chief of Police?
Holy cow, there she was. I beheld a new or nearly new Grumman “Workhorse” step van that bore the language “Careful Children” on the front. Moving to the side, I recognized this vehicle for what it was: a “slushy” truck.
While the interior did not appear completed, clearly machinery was propped up inside the truck for slushy making. If this is Police undercover vehicle, the bare interior walls certainly would lend themselves to bullet resistant Kevlar applications.
Sources indicate the City plans to drive this vehicle through town handing out FREE frozen flavored confections to children and citizens hunkering down in Salisbury’s growing disadvantaged communities much like former County Commissioner Jon Barber peddled healthy produce from his “Farm Fresh” truck to the city’s food deserts. (Will the Slushys be made from Kool-Aid?)
As shootings increase during this “long hot summer” perhaps undercover police officers masquerading as Slushy venders might get valuable tips from citizens often reluctant to speak to the police. Has it been so hot that folks may be willing to “snitch” for a FREE Slushy? Is this how the city fathers plan to lick crime? Should our undercover officers manning the truck be dressed as clowns to become more approachable?
Initial reports were that the final cost was projected to be 100K (the cost of four new police cruisers). Subsequent research of my own indicates that truck probably will be approximately the same cost as only two or three police cars.
Then again a true genius may be at work here. If staffed by underpaid low level city employees (like police and firemen) think of the savings that can be pumped into Fibrant.
I can’t help but wonder though whether this money could have been better used to provide seed money for a Boy’s and Girl’s Club or job training for disadvantaged city youth instead of a fast lane to childhood obesity and Type II diabetes. Only time will tell.
Heaven knows where the money came from? Perhaps from some City slushy fund?
