Steve Mensing, Editor
♦ In recent months national news focused on child abuse, neglect, and child disappearance stories. Such accounts make frequent appearances on CNN’s HLN channel and disturb most anyone who has been a parent. So how do we spot child neglect and abuse?
The more accepted ways of noticing child abuse and neglect are posted on Federal and state child abuse websites. Many child neglect and abuse clues need to appear in combination with others to draw a complete picture. If you suspect child neglect and abuse do not hesitate to connect with child protective services or mandated reporters such as counselors, teachers, psychologists, clergy, police, and social workers. Children can be emotionally, physically, sexually harmed or even murdered if adults don’t take action.
If you know for a fact that a child is abused take action immediately. Do everything within your power to alert the systems until appropriate action is taken by child protective services. Do not let anyone dissuade you from this very important task. A child’s emotional health, well-being, and even life is at stake. Remember the point of reasonable discipline is to correct behavior, not to make a child fearful of beatings. Once you report abuse and neglect to the appropriate agencies or persons, follow up on what happened and make sure that child is protected. If you do not feel good about the outcome go to supervisors and even higher officials in your state until appropriate action is taken. Utilize the many abuse sources available on the net. Some have hotlines where you can get valuable information. Many persons in prisons, undergoing mental health treatment, or are in cemeteries are there due to abusive and neglectful homes.
These signs may point to child abuse or neglect:
The Youngster
• Shows abrupt major changes in behavior or school performance. *Has learning and attention difficulties that cannot be attributed to physical causes. *Shows dental problems uncared for long periods. *Mental and physical maladies not receiving adequate care. *Spends much time alone in front of the television or playing video-games. *Appears hyper-alert and on edge for bad things to happen. *Suffers from PTSD. *Frequently fighting at school or extreme aggression in children’s groups. *Excessively jealous and controlling with friends. *Lack of friends and poor social skills for age. *Lacks adult supervision. *Tardy for school on a regular basis. *Lies and acts passive aggressively. *Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn. *Stays late at friends, school, and after-school activities and does not want to go home. *Frequently left with parent’s friends, relatives, or baby sitters. *Neglected when single parents are involved in a new “relationship”.
The Parent/Caregiver
• Shows little concern for the child. *In denial of child’s difficulties in school or at home. *Blames child for difficulties. *Breaks promises and lies to child. *Explosive emotional reactions toward child. *Asks teachers or other caregivers to use harsh physical discipline for child’s misbehavior. *Gives away child’s pets. *Views the child as entirely bad, worthless, a pest, or stupid. *Demands a level of perfectionistic physical or academic performance beyond the child’s range. *Is needy and overwhelms the child for care, attention, and satisfaction of emotional needs. *Does not listen to the child or believe them. *Takes gifts intended for the child and returns them for a refund. The gift is never replaced. *Frequently grounds child. *Threatens the child so they won’t report abuse. *Forbids child to talk to other parents or friends without the parent present as a way to hide abuse and neglect. *Leaves child alone for lengthy periods. *Tells child they do not love them–they are only there out of duty.
The Youngster and Parent:
• Infrequently look at each other or touch. *Consider their relationship entirely negative. *State dislike for each other.
Signs of Physical Abuse
The Child
• Has unexplained burns, bites, bruises, broken bones, scratches, or black eyes or bruises in the shape of a hand, fist, belt. *Has fading bruises or other marks noticeable after an absence from school. *Seems fearful of the parents and protests or cries when it is time to go home. *Pulls away from adults if they draw near. *Reports injury by a parent or another adult caregiver.
The Parent/Caregiver
• Provides conflicting, unconvincing, or no explanation for the child’s injury *Describes the child as “demonic”, “mentally ill”, or some other negative label. *Uses harsh physical discipline with the child such as strangling, punching, belt lashing, suffocation, kicking, shoving to the ground, and tackling. *Has a history of abuse as a child. *Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent or a sibling.
Possible Signs of Neglect
The Child
• Frequently absent or tardy for school. *Undone homework or chronic late homework. *Begs or steals food or money. *Crying in school. *Lacks needed medical or dental care, immunizations, or glasses *Poor basic hygiene, dirty, disheveled attire, inappropriately dressed for the season. *Abuses drugs or alcohol. *Bullying other kids or being bullied. *Complains that no one is around to provide care. *No money for school lunch.
The Parent/Caregiver
• Appears indifferent to the child. *Seems apathetic or depressed. *Behaves irrationally, rages, or shows signs of psychosis/strange behavior. *Appears high or reeks of alcohol. *Stays away from the home for lengthy periods of time *Frequent rages or anger at the child.
Possible Signs of Sexual Abuse
The Child
• Has problems with walking or sitting. Appears pained. *Refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities. *Reports nightmares or bed-wetting. *Experiences a sudden change in appetite. *Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior. *Becomes pregnant or contracts an STD, particularly if under age 14 *Runs away or wants to run away. *Reported sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver.
The Parent/Caregiver
• When parent is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child’s contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex. *When parent is secretive and isolated. *When parent is jealous or controlling with family members. *Child is not allowed to speak on the phone without parent present for fear of disclosure.
Signs of Emotional Maltreatment or Emotional Neglect
The Child
• Child demonstrates behavior that is overly compliant or demanding, extremely passive or aggressive. *Rocking, head-banging, self mutilation/scratching self . *Child acts either inappropriately adult (Parenting other children in the household) or inappropriately infantile (frequently rocking, self-scratching or head-banging, for example) *Is delayed in physical or emotional development. May be underweight and undersized for age. *Talks about suicide or has attempted it. *Reports or shows a lack of emotional connection with the parent. *Reports feeling numb or dissociated. *Reports feeling lonely, unloved, or empty *Reports feeling depressed, anxious, or extremely angry. *Trouble regulating emotions. Emotions are stuffed down and come out with a lack of regulation.
The Parent/Caregiver
• Parent constantly blames, belittles, or berates the child. *Does not believe child on a regular basis. *Is unconcerned about the child and refuses to consider offers of help for the child’s problems. *Overtly rejects the child. *Belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child *Name calling and making negative comparisons to others. *Telling a child he or she is “no good,” “worthless,” “bad,” or “an error.” *Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying. *Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment. *Limited physical contact with the child—no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection. *Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
Important: Please report abuse and neglect so a child has a chance in life. Kids don’t need to live in fear and neglect. Your report can make a difference.
