Rabbi Will McCubbins, China Grove, N.C.
♦ Just the other day I was reading where the City of Salisbury put a job listing out there for a new City Manager and low and behold the Rowan Free Press puts it up for everyone to see. My first thought was city council was going to hire another in a long line of “crocodiles in a goldfish bowl” like David Treme and “Mutually Terminated” Doug Paris. But the more I got to thinking they’re most likely were going to go for John “Make Fibrant Look Solvent” Sofley. The interim city manager would not only hide all the skeletons in City Hall’s closet, use magical math skills to support the success of any of the city’s long list of failed projects, write scripts for the city council, and field prepared questions from City Council to make them look good. Perfect match for Salisbury.
Let’s go down the list of what the city listed as desirable qualities for a City Manager and translate it into City Hall’s actual requirements:
• Wants a guy who is an experienced entrepreneurial and business savvy government leader.
What they really want is someone who will help city council block the county and put Downtown Salisbury and the Country Club first.
• Someone who will collaborate with different groups such as staff, citizens, regional partners, and the council.
Then use that collaboration to blast through any opposition to meet Downtown Salisbury’s and the “elite families” demands.
• Committed to open and transparent government, encourage citizen input, and publicize decisions.
Go frequently into closed sessions, completely avoid answering public information requests, use Downtown merchants to create the illusion of solidarity in pushing the Downtown Salisbury agenda and send puff piece press releases to the city’s newsletter about the city’s various projects and keep the pressure up.
• Adept at building bridges and knitting relationships among diverse stakeholders in order to leverage city opportunities and mitigate challenges.
Know how to schmooze, play on people’s approval needs, and use people in order to put Downtown Salisbury and their allies first and steamroll anyone who gets in the way.
• Support innovative housing redevelopment initiatives as well as supporting businesses and startups.
Isolate certain poor neighborhoods into ghettos, shrink their city services, and use gentrification to rid the neighborhoods of the elderly and the poor through rising taxes and rents. Harness taxpayer grant money to renovate old houses especially those belonging to friends of the city.
• Keep the mayor and city council members informed on pending and emerging issues, working to reach a consensus on priorities for action.
Be a night watchman for the mayor and the city council ever vigilant for trouble spots brewing in the city and county so they can nip them in the bud and protect the Downtown “interests”.
• Think creatively to assess ways to increase revenue and manage expenses while keeping taxes down.
Develop new methods to generate revenue like doing covert annexation through the creative use of eminent domain, find new ways to generate slush funds by utilizing non existing services like storm water runoffs. The people learn to live with taxes and utility hikes–they don’t make a peep because they know they will face a vendetta. The world is your convenient oyster. You are aligned with the City of Cicero, Illinois model.
• Be a compassionate leader, able to able to effectively recruit, retain, manage, develop, and engage talented staff to deliver excellent customer service.
You are the “iron general” and others listen to your every whim. If anyone defies you, they will be gone. You rule by fear and intimidation. Employees become expendable as they pass into 20 years of service and are in line for generous benefit packages. You can find any excuse to terminate them and allow the League of Municipalities Insurance to cover the cost of any suits they may file. At some point the chaff needs to be separated from the wheat. No job is forever–the free ride on the gravy train needs to end sometime. That’s your call.
• Experienced in developing and managing annual general and capital budgets.
You are given free reign to turn red into black and hide employee salaries in other departments. You are provided the latitude to move the chips around to make a failed city project appear like a major victory. The budget is your creative artwork–do with it as you may.
• Communicates excellently both verbally and in writing and possesses well-developed interpersonal skills and abilities.
You can cover your communications bases by hiring an Information Director who can handle the communications end. Interpersonal skills? That’s overrated. The last city manager never needed a drop of that.
• Values accountability and holds high expectations for self and others while being an effective and respected leader.
Know where to place the blame when something doesn’t work. If Fibrant has an outage for 3 days, point a finger at a provider. Learn the fine art of blaming.
• Effectively networks with peers in neighboring communities and in municipalities throughout the state.
Know and connect with peers elsewhere because some day you might want to jump ship for a better job and better place to hang your hat. Other municipalities may offer staff to “sheep steal”.
